i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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