If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
