Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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