Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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