By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
