i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she told me i tasted like america
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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