who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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