Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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