I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
