I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
