u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
