Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
