your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
