Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
