I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
