I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
