how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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