It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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