You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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