it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
