As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
