God, you're like boner-b-gone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
