Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize