ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
