these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
