We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
