are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
