You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
