life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
