i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
