I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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