Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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