And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
