There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
