dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
