I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
