I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
