So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize