I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
