I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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