I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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