I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
