I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
