you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
