I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
