I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize