He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
