i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
