I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's the barista slut.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
