he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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