im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
