my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
