apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
