the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
