onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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