pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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