there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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