dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
