he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
