how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
