my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
