is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
