don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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