You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
