You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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